Trains + water = sad

[sorrowmonkey]

So, there are a number of lessons learned in the practice of commuting by rail that are conspicously absent from the MTA's promotional materials. As a public service (and for my own mirth), I have decided to inventory some of the important ones here:

Everyday train travel...

1. First, pick your train.
   • Metro-North trains tend to come in three flavors: local, express, and wacky-hybrid. Usually the hybrid variety change flavor at some particular station. Obviously, express trains tend to get you there faster.
   • Always make sure that the train stops at your destination or where you need to transfer. Conductors really like to mock folks that get on the wrong train, but are always happy to answer questions before the train pulls out. The engineer and conductor booths on the train have windows that open to the outside. Usually you can have an extended conversation about where the train is going without risking getting on the wrong train.
   • An unannounced train on the platform could be a terminal stop. If you get on, you will be mocked by the conductor who wants to go home. If it was the station announcer's failure to announce your train, you could miss it. Both options lack style. One strategy when you are unsure is to watch someone else get on the train and see if they get mocked for it.
2. Now, pick your car.
   • If you will be using a station with limited platforms, endeavour to be on a car (or at least near a car) which will platform at the station you need. If you regularly travel the same train, this will be somewhat predictable, but if it isn't announced harrassing the engineer or conductors seems advisable.
   • If you are using stations with long platforms, you can exploit your car-insensitivity by choosing cars that the short platform travelers must avoid. The head two cars and tail two cars tend to be the yield the highest rate of "does not platform," but further research into the aftermath of train accidents may result in a greater understanding of whether the head or tail end is preferable in the long term.
   • Bar cars tend to be more roomy and open, since they have very reduced seating. Unfortunately, the seem to be rarely open and the cars are almost always a mess of trash and stench. However, claustophobic riders may take some small comfort from the more open plan.
3. Next, choose your seat. Metro-North trains have five seats in each row, arranged in a 2+3 grouping. Choosing you seat in an empty row, usually only possible at a terminal station, or on a train so unpopular as to lack seating issues involves a sophiscated knowledge of passenger dynamics and acceptable risk.

   Seat pros and cons:

   • First, long side or short side?
     • The long side has three seats: windows, center, aisle. No one wants the center seat, so this side is a good choice to get a little extra room. However, a very full train will have desperate passengers willing to take that center seat, and then you are packed in like sardines.
     • The short side has only two seats, and aisle and a window. The window is a great seat, but people are more likely to vulture the empty aisle seat. It takes a fairly determined traveller to ask the aisle person to move so that they can get the window.
   • Aisle or window?
     • The aisle has to obvious advantage that it is easy to get up and off the train. Unfortunately, every idiot with an oversized roller bag is going to run over your feet and hit your knees, and every overloaded NYC shopaholic is going to batter you in the head with her bags.
     • The window provides a relatively quiet and scenic view, but you absolutely must pay attention to your stop. If there is someone in the aisle seat and you have luggage on the rack, you need to be up an moving before the trains stops if you want to get out before the doors close.
   • Didn't get a seat?
     • Standing is usually a temporary scenario which you only have to endure until you have vulture a seat.
     • Keep your knees bent and try and brace yourself against a wall or pole.
     • Ignore all signs that say "Do not ride on platform," otherwise you will be in the aisle and the Conductor will be annoyed.
4. Moving around on the train.
   • The piece of paper the conductor shoved into the seat in front of you is a seat check. If you move, take it with you. Otherwise, you will get grilled by the conductor.
   • Doors were meant to be opened. Any sign that says "do not move between cars" is just a clever joke by the train manufacturer. However, a large white piece of paper that says "Car Closed" or "Out of Service" is absolute law.
   • On a busy train, people are going to vulture seats that open up if they are in a bad position. You can, too.

Special cases:

• Rain
  • Both diesel and electric trains are allergic to water, so rain slows them down inexplicably.
  • Train cars are rarely waterproof. The water that is coming down on top of the train is probably dripping through a light fixture or vent somewhere in the car. Identification of the "drainage system" can help you avoid getting unpleasantly moist during your journey.
  • When trains stop or start, pooled water on top of the train will run off either end and/or into doorways. Watch for this.
  • Under no circumstances should you get caught between cars when the train starts moving or hits the brakes: there is a waterfall there
  • Most station platforms are not fully covered. The uncovered portions will lead to less popular seats in inclimate weather.
• Snow
  • As with rain, snow slows trains.
  • The non-slip beaded yellow platform surface is more slippery than untreated concrete. Falling into the tracks is not recommended, so watch your step.
• Holidays
  • Train schedules are wildly different and unreliable during holidays.
  • Just drive.

Secrets of the master train commuter (safe here, because no one actually read the whole thing):

• The Shore-Line East is actually Metro-North between Stamford and New Haven. Use your Metro-North tickets and you get an "ultra-express" train that stops at Stamford, Bridgeport, Stratford, Milford and New Haven, max.
• Shore-Line East trains frequently have cars with tables at either end. This is basically the "First Class" of commuter train travel.
• The heating in both MTA and CT trains runs along the car under the windows. Try not to burn your leg on it. However, on most MTA trains, it has a flat top and works great to hold your coffee cup. Shore-Line trains tend to have a useless angled top.
• Shore-Line East trains usually have cup-holders, which are almost universally broken, but are almost always usable to some degree.
• Doors on the Shore-Line East trains rarely lock. Jumping onto a moving train is very dangerous according to the MTA, however, this can make it much easier to leap off the train the minute it comes to a stop. Or just before.

That is all.

Comments

Re: Excellent points.

[nrawling.livejournal.com]

Good tips, especially the sun bit.

The other thing I left out is direction of motion. In every car half of the seats face one where you're going, and half face where you've been. If you tend toward motion-sickness, one of these directions will be better for you. Figure it out to spare all the rest of us the sound of your retching.

My laptop is really too large to use frequently on the train, so I usually read instead. The outlets are a good tip, though. I frequently see cellphones charging. I think they were orginally intended for handicapped folks that needed power for medical appliances.

Re: Excellent points.

[ferriludant.livejournal.com]

Yes - for those prone towards motion-sickness, direction matters.

Also a new point: they've stopped selling roundtrips on the train, so if you're forced to buy a ticket on the train, not only will you pay the extra fee, but you'll also have to buy a second ticket later.