Self-indulgent whining

[sorrowmonkey]

So, I've been in a pretty crummy mood lately. I think there are a lot of contributing factors, many of which are either basically out of my control or I'm doing my best, but I just don't feel like I'm getting ahead at all. It's like I've hit a wall, and I can't go through, over, around or under. It's a brick wall, so perhaps I can chip a hole in it with my screwdriver.

I got extended at work through the end of November, but that really just means that I get to go back to stressing about what happens next again in two weeks. On top of that, there is now a bunch of administrative squawking about timesheets back in June and July. Thomson also just announced a huge internal reorg: that might be good news, but it feels mostly like just another dose of uncertainty.

I'm still basically behind at school. I'm trying to claw my way back on top of the pile of shit, but I think it's time to "skip over forward" this "par-a-dig-um" or something, because I'm not gaining ground. I'm not really slipping much farter behind, but we're reaching the part of the term where I need to start studying for exams, and I'm still fighting against the day-to-day. I can tell that most of my classmates are in the same boat, but it's not really helping me any. One of my classmates got chewed in class yesterday for insufficient prep and a lack of understanding of the details of the case; it was a case where he was more prepped than I was. I got lucky there, I guess. I attended a session on Monday on applying to the bar, and it makes applying for a government security clearance look like a walk in the park. I don't think that really helped me feel better either. I keep trying to focus on the goal (finish school, pass the bar, win a new career!), and I'm enjoying the material, but the workload is killing me. I was planning on going year round (and I may still), but I'm also starting to see that I might get burned out at this rate before the race is run.

Other parts of my life are a shambles too. I finally got the new electrical circuits installed downstairs, but there is still a boatload of things around the house I'd like to get done sometime this winter. If we're ever going to camp again, we need new camp furniture and a new pavilion. I have almost all of the materials for the bed, but no time to work on it. I wish I hadn't lost so much of that stuff in the move. I'm sore in a bunch of places and I have joints that clearly are unhappy. I think some of that is from the excitment over the weekend, and some is just the evil chair at work. I've been bouncing up and down about five pounds for the past 3-4 weeks, I'm not getting anywhere on the weight loss. I'm clearly starting to get badly out of shape (out of breath from the stairs), and I've had my armor on two or three times since school started.

Just dammit.

I feel like everything is coming apart, but I can't see what I'm doing wrong.

Comments

[thstlenshmrock.livejournal.com]

Amen to Baroness Martha's insight about baby steps forward still being moving forward.

I think it just might be one of those months. I've yet to run into anyone having a good October. Not that that makes it easier.

*hug*

[nrawling.livejournal.com]

Yeah... unfortunately, this is the part of the year where I start thinking, "well, I guess it's just going to be one of those years..."

I hope things get better for you, I know this has been a pretty rough month there. Keep your chin up.